I know double posting during NaBloPoMo is a cardinal sin punishable by death, but DUDE.
The weirdest thing just happened.
Thomas and I were working with the TV on and he asked me what that noise was. I said I thought it was sirens and he turned off the TV so we could hear better.
It was CATS.
Multiple, multiple cats. All yowling and screaching and moaning and groaning and I have never, ever heard anything like it. If you listened closely, some sounded like babies crying. Some sounded like demons. Thomas said (and once I heard it, I couldn't stop hearing it) that one sounded like it was saying, "Help! Help!" over and over again.
If I'd had any way to record it, it would be on this blog right now.
Honestly, I got really scared in the middle of it. We went over to the window to get a better listen, and our dog started to cry, as if to say, Don't you see this is what they want you to do? And I started to imagine that at any moment the window was going to burst in and there would be a monster with its claws in my face.
Thomas went out onto the porch to hear and I wanted to scream, "NO! Don't do it!"
Then the (brave) neighbor came out and clapped his hands and cats scattered everywhere. Maybe they were witches. But the thought I kept having was...vampires.
Showing posts with label weirdnesses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weirdnesses. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Sir Memes A Lot
Ok, so Joshua tagged me with the 7 weird things meme.
And because it's Nablopomo, I'm going to try it, even though, for God's sake people, how many more weird things about me am I going to be able to come up with?
Velocibadgergirl also tagged me with a meme that has the best title I have ever heard: Ten Literary Characters I Would Totally Make Out With If I Were Single and They Were Real But I’m Not, Single I Mean, I Am Real, But I’m Also Happily Married and Want to Stay That Way So Maybe We Should Forget This. And I so, so want to do it, but I can only come up with two, and they've already been discussed this month, so...I'm still marinating on that.
Onward.
1. I have only 24 teeth. And what big teeth they are! (All the better to eat you with, my dear). I'm minus the wisdom teeth, of course, but also 4 more because the poor orthodontist couldn't get them all to fit in my tiny, unaccomodating jaw. Please god, let my children have better luck. Turning the key in my palate spreader, growing up, was one of the worst forms of torture I have ever endured. (Side note: Joe McIntyre of the New Kids on the Block also has only 24 teeth, leading my 12 year old self to believe that we must be meant for each other. Why do I keep mentioning the New Kids on the Block lately?)
2. All together, my dogs take 12 pills a day. Between the chinese herbs for Gonzo's epilepsy, the fish oil for their skin, glucosamine for their joints and CoEnzyme-Q10 for Gertie's heart, the dogs practically need those little pill containers to keep everything organized.
3. I absolutely love new/internet words. Snark, squick, squee, blogosphere, celebutante...bring them on. Words delight me, but onomatopoeic ones tickle my heart. I'm also a fan of LOLcats and the "im in ur" phenomenon that predates them. Let's just say internet crazes in general. I once belonged to Mahir's fanclub. I also love co-opting teenspeak into my general vocabulary in an unironic way. I say BFF, Whatev and natch with some frequency. Sometimes, and you have to promise not to repeat this, I will say, "I'm outie." (I know. The shame.)
4. I will dress up for any insane costume party you throw at me. In fact, the first work-party that Thomas brought me to when we were first dating was a pimp and ho party. So I met all of the people Thomas works with while dressed as a hooker. No way to make a better impression than that! I actually have a picture, but it's so hideous that I think I should save it for my next humiliation extravaganza. Thomas and I are throwing an ugly sweater party for New Years and I can. not. wait.
5. I own only one pair of blue jeans that I just wash over and over and over. Or else wear until they are practically standing up on their own. I don't know why. Cheapness, I guess, or the horror of trying on jeans when you carry all your weight in your waist but have slim, athletic legs...I don't know.
6. Cats hate me. I don't know if it's that they sense that I'm afraid of them, or what, but all cats pretend to like me at first and then bite the shit out of me. Or maybe it's that I'm such a dog person that I don't know how to touch cats properly. But yeah, they're always all about me until the hissing and scratching and biting begins.
7. I am obsessed with Threadless. I bought myself 10 t-shirts for my birthday and I pretty much don't wear anything else anymore. My favorites of the ones I own are: Haikus are easy, Loch Ness Imposter, Defend the Kingdom, and Shakespeare Hates Your Emo Poems.
Ok, now I just really want to link to all my threadless shirts so you will all know how hilarious and well dressed I am with my 500 t-shirts and one pair of jeans.
Tagging just seems circular lately. So if you want the meme, take it.
And because it's Nablopomo, I'm going to try it, even though, for God's sake people, how many more weird things about me am I going to be able to come up with?
Velocibadgergirl also tagged me with a meme that has the best title I have ever heard: Ten Literary Characters I Would Totally Make Out With If I Were Single and They Were Real But I’m Not, Single I Mean, I Am Real, But I’m Also Happily Married and Want to Stay That Way So Maybe We Should Forget This. And I so, so want to do it, but I can only come up with two, and they've already been discussed this month, so...I'm still marinating on that.
Onward.
1. I have only 24 teeth. And what big teeth they are! (All the better to eat you with, my dear). I'm minus the wisdom teeth, of course, but also 4 more because the poor orthodontist couldn't get them all to fit in my tiny, unaccomodating jaw. Please god, let my children have better luck. Turning the key in my palate spreader, growing up, was one of the worst forms of torture I have ever endured. (Side note: Joe McIntyre of the New Kids on the Block also has only 24 teeth, leading my 12 year old self to believe that we must be meant for each other. Why do I keep mentioning the New Kids on the Block lately?)
2. All together, my dogs take 12 pills a day. Between the chinese herbs for Gonzo's epilepsy, the fish oil for their skin, glucosamine for their joints and CoEnzyme-Q10 for Gertie's heart, the dogs practically need those little pill containers to keep everything organized.
3. I absolutely love new/internet words. Snark, squick, squee, blogosphere, celebutante...bring them on. Words delight me, but onomatopoeic ones tickle my heart. I'm also a fan of LOLcats and the "im in ur" phenomenon that predates them. Let's just say internet crazes in general. I once belonged to Mahir's fanclub. I also love co-opting teenspeak into my general vocabulary in an unironic way. I say BFF, Whatev and natch with some frequency. Sometimes, and you have to promise not to repeat this, I will say, "I'm outie." (I know. The shame.)
4. I will dress up for any insane costume party you throw at me. In fact, the first work-party that Thomas brought me to when we were first dating was a pimp and ho party. So I met all of the people Thomas works with while dressed as a hooker. No way to make a better impression than that! I actually have a picture, but it's so hideous that I think I should save it for my next humiliation extravaganza. Thomas and I are throwing an ugly sweater party for New Years and I can. not. wait.
5. I own only one pair of blue jeans that I just wash over and over and over. Or else wear until they are practically standing up on their own. I don't know why. Cheapness, I guess, or the horror of trying on jeans when you carry all your weight in your waist but have slim, athletic legs...I don't know.
6. Cats hate me. I don't know if it's that they sense that I'm afraid of them, or what, but all cats pretend to like me at first and then bite the shit out of me. Or maybe it's that I'm such a dog person that I don't know how to touch cats properly. But yeah, they're always all about me until the hissing and scratching and biting begins.
7. I am obsessed with Threadless. I bought myself 10 t-shirts for my birthday and I pretty much don't wear anything else anymore. My favorites of the ones I own are: Haikus are easy, Loch Ness Imposter, Defend the Kingdom, and Shakespeare Hates Your Emo Poems.
Ok, now I just really want to link to all my threadless shirts so you will all know how hilarious and well dressed I am with my 500 t-shirts and one pair of jeans.
Tagging just seems circular lately. So if you want the meme, take it.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
FanGirl
This is an unstaged photo of my bedside table, complete with scissors (why?), reader review letter from Algonquin, gnome chapstick, Harry Potter lamp and Dumbledore's Army diary.
The lamp was a gift from Thomas today. Hurrah!
And yet...
What is becoming of me?
I mean, ok, we needed another bedside lamp, and he'd ordered it for his sister, so it was already here and all...and the diary, that was a present from my friend Mary for my 30th birthday. And the Ministry of Magic hat hanging just outside the picture? Well, that was a promotional gift from the theater upon the release of OotP. It's not like I ordered it.
But I did order the Trust Snape shirt. And the tattoo? Probably not just going to leap onto my body. Probably I'll have to pay someone a lot of money for that. Also, I don't think I can blame anyone but myself for my current obsession with Snape-Hermione fanfic.
When did I become a fangirl?
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Introducing Me
Hello NaBloPoMoers! And what up to my regular readers who will be putting up with this.
Last year was my first NaBloPoMo, and so I didn't realize that one should introduce oneself immediately. This year, I shall do better.
I am Megs, more commonly known as Meg, though my two best friends actually do call me Megs. I swear. Though not Incredible Megs.
I am 30 years old. I'm married to an awesome man named Thomas, who owns our local comic book store. I have two dogs, Gertie and Gonzo, with whom I am obsessed.
I'm an elementary school teacher in a one room schoolhouse. I'm also a budding novelist--I'll finish my first novel this week. This is exciting for me, because although I have a Master's Degree in Creative Writing, this blog has been the extent of my writing for the last few years.
I was suspended in the 7th grade for writing porn about the New Kids on the Block.
I struggle with borderline diabetes and hence have to eat mostly meat and vegetables, though occasionally I lose control of myself and eat two pizzas in one sitting. I have a very severe weakness for pizza. I walk 4 miles a day, and I've lost 50 lbs in the last 3 years.
Last week, my kids at school were getting ready to do a unit on seeds, so I soaked a bunch of lima beans in water to get them to open up and brought them to school in a bag which I forgot about and left in my car. Now my car smells of rotten, fermented lima beans, and I don't quite know what to do about that.
I am a maniacal reader. Usually I read an average of 7 books a month, but I've been on a two month hiatus while I wrote my novel. Learning to fall asleep without reading was very hard. Since I lifted the ban, I've read 5 books and am currently working on 2 more.
I swear with alarming frequency, though I am trying to grow up and tone down my vocabulary. But isn't everything funnier when prefaced with "bitch-ass motherfucker"? Obviously, I do not say that at school. At school, if I feel moved to swear, I say, "Handbaskets!"
I've been blogging for a year and a half now, and I've made some wonderful blogger friends, most of whom I met during NaBloPoMo last year. This is a wonderful time of year, and I've been looking forward to it for weeks. I can't wait to start cruising the randomizer.
Last year was my first NaBloPoMo, and so I didn't realize that one should introduce oneself immediately. This year, I shall do better.
I am Megs, more commonly known as Meg, though my two best friends actually do call me Megs. I swear. Though not Incredible Megs.
I am 30 years old. I'm married to an awesome man named Thomas, who owns our local comic book store. I have two dogs, Gertie and Gonzo, with whom I am obsessed.
I'm an elementary school teacher in a one room schoolhouse. I'm also a budding novelist--I'll finish my first novel this week. This is exciting for me, because although I have a Master's Degree in Creative Writing, this blog has been the extent of my writing for the last few years.
I was suspended in the 7th grade for writing porn about the New Kids on the Block.
I struggle with borderline diabetes and hence have to eat mostly meat and vegetables, though occasionally I lose control of myself and eat two pizzas in one sitting. I have a very severe weakness for pizza. I walk 4 miles a day, and I've lost 50 lbs in the last 3 years.
Last week, my kids at school were getting ready to do a unit on seeds, so I soaked a bunch of lima beans in water to get them to open up and brought them to school in a bag which I forgot about and left in my car. Now my car smells of rotten, fermented lima beans, and I don't quite know what to do about that.
I am a maniacal reader. Usually I read an average of 7 books a month, but I've been on a two month hiatus while I wrote my novel. Learning to fall asleep without reading was very hard. Since I lifted the ban, I've read 5 books and am currently working on 2 more.
I swear with alarming frequency, though I am trying to grow up and tone down my vocabulary. But isn't everything funnier when prefaced with "bitch-ass motherfucker"? Obviously, I do not say that at school. At school, if I feel moved to swear, I say, "Handbaskets!"
I've been blogging for a year and a half now, and I've made some wonderful blogger friends, most of whom I met during NaBloPoMo last year. This is a wonderful time of year, and I've been looking forward to it for weeks. I can't wait to start cruising the randomizer.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
They Love Me in Thailand
Courtesy of my friend, Jennifer:
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Thomas and Meg!
1. In their entire life, Thomas and Meg will produce only a twelfth of a teaspoon of honey.
2. Medieval knights put the skin of Thomas and Meg on their sword handles to improve the grip!
3. Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat Thomas and Meg'.
4. Thomas and Meg can only be destroyed by intense heat, and is impermeable even to acid.
5. Baskin Robbins once made Thomas and Meg flavoured ice cream.
6. It took Thomas and Meg 22 years to build the Taj Mahal.
7. Thomas and Meg can sleep for three and a half years.
8. Thomas and Meg can squeeze their entire body through a hole the size of their beak!
9. The porpoise is second to Thomas and Meg as the most intelligent animal on the planet.
10. California is the biggest exporter of Thomas and Meg in the world!
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Megs!
1. 99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as megs.
2. Megs is actually a mammal, not a fish!
3. The most dangerous form of megs is the bicycle!
4. While sleeping, fifteen percent of men snore, and ten percent grind their megs.
5. Megs can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night.
6. Megs is the sacred animal of Thailand.
7. Megs once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest.
8. Lightning strikes megs over seven times every hour!
9. Never store megs at room temperature.
10. Peanuts and megs are beans.
Get your own!
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Thomas and Meg!
1. In their entire life, Thomas and Meg will produce only a twelfth of a teaspoon of honey.
2. Medieval knights put the skin of Thomas and Meg on their sword handles to improve the grip!
3. Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat Thomas and Meg'.
4. Thomas and Meg can only be destroyed by intense heat, and is impermeable even to acid.
5. Baskin Robbins once made Thomas and Meg flavoured ice cream.
6. It took Thomas and Meg 22 years to build the Taj Mahal.
7. Thomas and Meg can sleep for three and a half years.
8. Thomas and Meg can squeeze their entire body through a hole the size of their beak!
9. The porpoise is second to Thomas and Meg as the most intelligent animal on the planet.
10. California is the biggest exporter of Thomas and Meg in the world!
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Megs!
1. 99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as megs.
2. Megs is actually a mammal, not a fish!
3. The most dangerous form of megs is the bicycle!
4. While sleeping, fifteen percent of men snore, and ten percent grind their megs.
5. Megs can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night.
6. Megs is the sacred animal of Thailand.
7. Megs once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest.
8. Lightning strikes megs over seven times every hour!
9. Never store megs at room temperature.
10. Peanuts and megs are beans.
Get your own!
Friday, May 18, 2007
Meg, Meg, Bo-beg, Banana-fanna-fo-feg
I know you are not going to believe this, but I've been tagged with the 8 weird things AGAIN. For real.
Last night, I was telling Thomas that he had to help me think of more weird things, and I was like, ARE there even any more weird things about me? And we both agreed that, of course there are. Thomas said, "You kill slugs with beer," and I said, "Yeah, but I've already posted about that!"
So here we go...
1. I'm a compulsive worrier. Last weekend I was sitting on my front porch talking with my friend Kathy, when all of a sudden she hugged me fiercely and told me that I had.to.stop.worrying.so.much. I was kind of baffled. I hadn't even really felt like I was worrying; I was just kind of...vocalizing. So I tried to explain to her my theory which is this: the world is a strange and dangerous place. And it will attack you for no good reason. I don't say this to be dramatic; I've just found that it's true. And the world's MO is to catch you blindsided; it wants to hit you with something you've never considered and are totally unprepared for. So, by worrying about a broad range of scenarios all the time, I'm actually reducing the number of bad things that will happen. Or something. My worrying is kind of like backward prayer.
2. I swear way too much. Sometimes it seems I don't know any adjectives except colorful ones. And yet, the thing I'm most ashamed of (vocally anyway) wasn't technically swearing, though the situation might have called for it. I was on a one way street that has lots of diagonal parking. And I was stopped at a light, about 3 cars back, with several cars behind me, when all of a sudden, a car that was diagonally parked on my left side starts pulling out of its space. I had nowhere to go, so I laid on the horn and the car actually sped up and slammed into my driver's side door. After the car pulled back into its space, I wrenched the door open and screamed, "Are you retarded?!?" I still feel bad about that. The woman cried and kept repeating, "I'm not retarded." Oh, god.
3. I'm always cold. Right now, it's 76 degrees in the house and I feel like my fingers are going to snap off my body. Summer is always the time for the air conditioning wars in my house, in which Thomas and I both surreptiously creep to the thermostat and change it and hope the other person doesn't notice for a while. I'm usually reduced to wearing my pajamas full time.
4. I have trouble calling people on the phone if I've never called them before. I'm sure that is a little bit true for everyone, but I'm kind of neurotic on the subject. I don't mind calling strangers (ok, I do mind, but not overly) but I do have a problem calling my own friends if we've never talked on the phone before. Today I was brave and called my friend Steve (we've been friends for 6 years). Saying, "Hey Steve, it's Meg" nearly gave me a panic attack. I always feel like the person is going to say, "Meg who?" so then I worry (ha!) about whether I should say my last name, too, but then, when you've known each other so long that just seems weird and too formal...and oh, it's just so hard.
5. I seriously would die without the internet. When we have trouble with our machine or our internet service, I feel like parts of me are on fire. I don't even do anything that important or fascinating online. I don't even read the news! I check my usually non-existant email; I read blogs and occasionally blog myself; I check the weather, check myspace, librarything and flickr...and that's it. But if I can't do that, I feel painfully isolated from the world.
6. I hate being called Meaghan. I know I've mentioned that before, but it bears repeating, as lately, many of my friends have taken to occasionally calling me by my full name. And it's always weird when it happens, and right afterward they'll apologize and say, "I have no idea why I called you that." And I'm always like, well, ok...THIS TIME. But seriously, don't call me Meaghan. It's not that I don't think it's a perfectly nice name. I don't hate my name. It's just that I'm Meg and I always have been. I don't know who Meaghan is. A long time ago, my high school boyfriend asked if he could call me Meaghan, and I remember deliberating about it and finally I told him that I would really prefer that he didn't, because I didn't want Meaghan to be someone different than Meg, and I'm still proud of myself for realizing that that could happen when I was so young.
7. My mom used to make me peanut butter and butter sandwiches when I was little and THEY WERE SO GOOD.
8. Once I left my sunroof open and a bird pooped on my gearshift.
That's all I got folks. I'm going to have to cultivate some new weird habits for the next time around. Maybe at the end of this year I'll do another compilation.
If you would like to participate in this Meme, knock yourself out. But I'm tagging Andrea
Kim
Joshua
Kathy
and Lauren
In other news, we found out yesterday that Gertie has developed a heart murmur sometime during the last 3 months. (We are positive that she did not have one in February prior to the tooth surgery). I'm sure you can imagine my worry.
Last night, I was telling Thomas that he had to help me think of more weird things, and I was like, ARE there even any more weird things about me? And we both agreed that, of course there are. Thomas said, "You kill slugs with beer," and I said, "Yeah, but I've already posted about that!"
So here we go...
1. I'm a compulsive worrier. Last weekend I was sitting on my front porch talking with my friend Kathy, when all of a sudden she hugged me fiercely and told me that I had.to.stop.worrying.so.much. I was kind of baffled. I hadn't even really felt like I was worrying; I was just kind of...vocalizing. So I tried to explain to her my theory which is this: the world is a strange and dangerous place. And it will attack you for no good reason. I don't say this to be dramatic; I've just found that it's true. And the world's MO is to catch you blindsided; it wants to hit you with something you've never considered and are totally unprepared for. So, by worrying about a broad range of scenarios all the time, I'm actually reducing the number of bad things that will happen. Or something. My worrying is kind of like backward prayer.
2. I swear way too much. Sometimes it seems I don't know any adjectives except colorful ones. And yet, the thing I'm most ashamed of (vocally anyway) wasn't technically swearing, though the situation might have called for it. I was on a one way street that has lots of diagonal parking. And I was stopped at a light, about 3 cars back, with several cars behind me, when all of a sudden, a car that was diagonally parked on my left side starts pulling out of its space. I had nowhere to go, so I laid on the horn and the car actually sped up and slammed into my driver's side door. After the car pulled back into its space, I wrenched the door open and screamed, "Are you retarded?!?" I still feel bad about that. The woman cried and kept repeating, "I'm not retarded." Oh, god.
3. I'm always cold. Right now, it's 76 degrees in the house and I feel like my fingers are going to snap off my body. Summer is always the time for the air conditioning wars in my house, in which Thomas and I both surreptiously creep to the thermostat and change it and hope the other person doesn't notice for a while. I'm usually reduced to wearing my pajamas full time.
4. I have trouble calling people on the phone if I've never called them before. I'm sure that is a little bit true for everyone, but I'm kind of neurotic on the subject. I don't mind calling strangers (ok, I do mind, but not overly) but I do have a problem calling my own friends if we've never talked on the phone before. Today I was brave and called my friend Steve (we've been friends for 6 years). Saying, "Hey Steve, it's Meg" nearly gave me a panic attack. I always feel like the person is going to say, "Meg who?" so then I worry (ha!) about whether I should say my last name, too, but then, when you've known each other so long that just seems weird and too formal...and oh, it's just so hard.
5. I seriously would die without the internet. When we have trouble with our machine or our internet service, I feel like parts of me are on fire. I don't even do anything that important or fascinating online. I don't even read the news! I check my usually non-existant email; I read blogs and occasionally blog myself; I check the weather, check myspace, librarything and flickr...and that's it. But if I can't do that, I feel painfully isolated from the world.
6. I hate being called Meaghan. I know I've mentioned that before, but it bears repeating, as lately, many of my friends have taken to occasionally calling me by my full name. And it's always weird when it happens, and right afterward they'll apologize and say, "I have no idea why I called you that." And I'm always like, well, ok...THIS TIME. But seriously, don't call me Meaghan. It's not that I don't think it's a perfectly nice name. I don't hate my name. It's just that I'm Meg and I always have been. I don't know who Meaghan is. A long time ago, my high school boyfriend asked if he could call me Meaghan, and I remember deliberating about it and finally I told him that I would really prefer that he didn't, because I didn't want Meaghan to be someone different than Meg, and I'm still proud of myself for realizing that that could happen when I was so young.
7. My mom used to make me peanut butter and butter sandwiches when I was little and THEY WERE SO GOOD.
8. Once I left my sunroof open and a bird pooped on my gearshift.
That's all I got folks. I'm going to have to cultivate some new weird habits for the next time around. Maybe at the end of this year I'll do another compilation.
If you would like to participate in this Meme, knock yourself out. But I'm tagging Andrea
Kim
Joshua
Kathy
and Lauren
In other news, we found out yesterday that Gertie has developed a heart murmur sometime during the last 3 months. (We are positive that she did not have one in February prior to the tooth surgery). I'm sure you can imagine my worry.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Five Things About Me (Which Will All Be Weird, Because, Well, It's Me)
Tagged Again! by the awesome Velocibadgergirl, who is my long lost sister from another mister.
So this meme is technically just 5 facts, so it might be a tad bit more boring than the list of 55 things that make me just left of normal.
And just let me say, as well, that I am tickled to death to see that she has actually physically written my name on a piece of paper and scanned it into the computer. I love that someone I have never met wrote my name down on a piece of paper. Don't ask me why that's so thrilling. It just is.
1. I have no tattoos and no piercings (except the standard earring holes that I agreed to at age 9). If I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn't even have those. I kind of like being perfectly intact. Wait, I have no tonsils. So that would be imperfectly intact.
2. I can't drink coffee. It's not the caffeine, per se--I drink enough Diet Pepsi to fuel a rocket--but something about coffee as the delivery system makes me very jittery and crazy. Also, if I drink coffee, I smell very strange afterward. There's sort of a stale, dark smell about me. It lasts for days and is highly unpleasant.
3. About once every year for the last 3 years, I have a week where my sleep cycle becomes abnormal. I start sleeping very deeply and dreaming strange and vivid dreams that I have trouble waking up from. Several years ago, I dreamt that I was being chased by huge chessmen. I woke Thomas, telling him that we had to climb out the bedroom window, that they were just behind the door! It took about 30 seconds for me to realize that my arguments made no sense. I kept saying, "There's no time to explain!"
Once I walked into the living room, waved enthusiastically and yelled, "Hi, guys!" It's not sleepwalking exactly, because I am awake...just confused.
4. These fine dinosaur heads stare at us while we pee.
5. Last, but not least, I have extreme difficulty keeping up with my shoes and my beer. Those who have been to parties at our house know that I spend about 65% percent of my time chasing down one or the other. My constant refrains are, "I've lost my beer again", "I have to pee", and "Has anyone seen my shoes?"
Oddly, in our household, I am the "finder." I have a semi-photographic memory and have powers of recall for the mundane that are somewhat astounding. Where did we put the snap machine? I'm all over it. Track down a costume from 4 years ago? No problem. 80's song lyrics? I'm your girl. But where did I leave my beer?
I'm tagging:
Andrea
Josh
Gina
Ashley
Pen and M
So this meme is technically just 5 facts, so it might be a tad bit more boring than the list of 55 things that make me just left of normal.
And just let me say, as well, that I am tickled to death to see that she has actually physically written my name on a piece of paper and scanned it into the computer. I love that someone I have never met wrote my name down on a piece of paper. Don't ask me why that's so thrilling. It just is.
1. I have no tattoos and no piercings (except the standard earring holes that I agreed to at age 9). If I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn't even have those. I kind of like being perfectly intact. Wait, I have no tonsils. So that would be imperfectly intact.
2. I can't drink coffee. It's not the caffeine, per se--I drink enough Diet Pepsi to fuel a rocket--but something about coffee as the delivery system makes me very jittery and crazy. Also, if I drink coffee, I smell very strange afterward. There's sort of a stale, dark smell about me. It lasts for days and is highly unpleasant.
3. About once every year for the last 3 years, I have a week where my sleep cycle becomes abnormal. I start sleeping very deeply and dreaming strange and vivid dreams that I have trouble waking up from. Several years ago, I dreamt that I was being chased by huge chessmen. I woke Thomas, telling him that we had to climb out the bedroom window, that they were just behind the door! It took about 30 seconds for me to realize that my arguments made no sense. I kept saying, "There's no time to explain!"
Once I walked into the living room, waved enthusiastically and yelled, "Hi, guys!" It's not sleepwalking exactly, because I am awake...just confused.
4. These fine dinosaur heads stare at us while we pee.
5. Last, but not least, I have extreme difficulty keeping up with my shoes and my beer. Those who have been to parties at our house know that I spend about 65% percent of my time chasing down one or the other. My constant refrains are, "I've lost my beer again", "I have to pee", and "Has anyone seen my shoes?"
Oddly, in our household, I am the "finder." I have a semi-photographic memory and have powers of recall for the mundane that are somewhat astounding. Where did we put the snap machine? I'm all over it. Track down a costume from 4 years ago? No problem. 80's song lyrics? I'm your girl. But where did I leave my beer?
I'm tagging:
Andrea
Josh
Gina
Ashley
Pen and M
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Goodbye T:3
I just participated in the fine activity known as "denuding the enormous-ass fire hazard in my living room." It took me almost 2 hours to strip the tree and carefully wrap and box the 8 gazillion ornaments that I insisted on hanging this year, but I don't mind doing it.
This year I got to participate in the hanging of my friend Michelle's ornaments, and while that was totally wonderful and festive, I couldn't return her lovely gesture. My ornaments are so fragile and so dear to me that I'd throw myself in front of a moving car for them. If someone else broke one...well, I couldn't vouch for their health. And I don't think it's fair to ask someone to help you with something that could end your friendship...or their life. So, for that reason, I almost always undo my tree alone. But that's nice, because I get to visit with each ornament myself, even the ones that Thomas hung, and say goodbye to them before their long hibernation in the closet.
I've mentioned it before, but there's something so beautiful to me about having ornaments from 4 families on our tree. I love that there are ornaments from our parents' childhoods and our own. For a while at Christmas I considered spotlighting an ornament on each blog post, but I couldn't decide between them. Should it be Aunt Adeline's monstrously huge glitter one, or my mom's santa that's so old it's translucent? Thomas' record ornaments, or the first ornament my mom gave me when I wasn't living in her house? The tiny balls from my grandfather's 5 and 10 cents store, or one of Thomas' grandmother's intricately painted ones? I love them all so much; Like a kid kissing all her stuffed animals before she goes to bed, I couldn't leave one out. What if it was sad?
This has just reminded me of the only tangentially related idea of food that is too sad to eat.
This will definitely be a numbered entry on the next "weird things about me" meme, or on someone's list of reasons I should be committed, but there are some foods that just look too sad for me to eat. First on that list is pigs in blankets. I don't mind Little Smokies as a rule, but once they are wrapped in dough, I can't eat them. Those poor piggies just curled up in their blanket for a nap and AARRRAGGGAGGGG! Now they're digesting. Also cornish hens. So Sad! And peeps. I love when other people mutilate them, but I can't bring myself to do it. Especially not with my teeth.
This year I got to participate in the hanging of my friend Michelle's ornaments, and while that was totally wonderful and festive, I couldn't return her lovely gesture. My ornaments are so fragile and so dear to me that I'd throw myself in front of a moving car for them. If someone else broke one...well, I couldn't vouch for their health. And I don't think it's fair to ask someone to help you with something that could end your friendship...or their life. So, for that reason, I almost always undo my tree alone. But that's nice, because I get to visit with each ornament myself, even the ones that Thomas hung, and say goodbye to them before their long hibernation in the closet.
I've mentioned it before, but there's something so beautiful to me about having ornaments from 4 families on our tree. I love that there are ornaments from our parents' childhoods and our own. For a while at Christmas I considered spotlighting an ornament on each blog post, but I couldn't decide between them. Should it be Aunt Adeline's monstrously huge glitter one, or my mom's santa that's so old it's translucent? Thomas' record ornaments, or the first ornament my mom gave me when I wasn't living in her house? The tiny balls from my grandfather's 5 and 10 cents store, or one of Thomas' grandmother's intricately painted ones? I love them all so much; Like a kid kissing all her stuffed animals before she goes to bed, I couldn't leave one out. What if it was sad?
This has just reminded me of the only tangentially related idea of food that is too sad to eat.
This will definitely be a numbered entry on the next "weird things about me" meme, or on someone's list of reasons I should be committed, but there are some foods that just look too sad for me to eat. First on that list is pigs in blankets. I don't mind Little Smokies as a rule, but once they are wrapped in dough, I can't eat them. Those poor piggies just curled up in their blanket for a nap and AARRRAGGGAGGGG! Now they're digesting. Also cornish hens. So Sad! And peeps. I love when other people mutilate them, but I can't bring myself to do it. Especially not with my teeth.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
49 Other Weird Things About Me, In Order of Their Appearance
49. I don't eat purple food.
48. I rule at Megatouch Erotic Photo Hunt, which I call Touch the Boobie.
47. I practiced for a long time so that I could give the finger like Eminem.
46. I like to watch myself in the mirror when I talk.
45. The only thing I've ever won was a 3 foot chocolate rabbit.
44. On our first date, Thomas took me to see a giant urinal.
43. I can't help but tell people what I just bought for them.
42. I swear alarmingly when building furniture.
41. I hide upsetting books under the bed.
40. Our toothpaste tastes like shrimp.
39. I'm required by law to wear a portion of my food on my chest.
38. I can hurt myself just by sitting in a chair (and often do!)
37. Apparently, when I made this list, I left off number 37.
36. I'm afraid of worms. Seriously.
35. I'm deafeningly loud when I get excited.
34. I've never had cable tv.
33. I love karaoke. Particularly Love Shack and Gloria.
32. I have the cutest feet ever, in my humble opinion.
31. I collect garden gnomes and fake mustaches. In fact, the favors at our wedding were cards of fake mustaches, resulting in my entire wedding album being pictures of drunk people in fake mustaches.
30. By 30, I'd hoped to own a barbie pink beetle.
29. My dogs know "Cheese" and "Night Night" instead of "Come" and "Lie Down."
28. I know a lot of people named Tom.
27. I cannot function without cherry chapstick.
26. I am tragically unhip and cannot wear my own glasses for feeling like a poseur.
25. I once went on a blind date with a guy who had two hearing aides and an unholy obsession with Willy Wonka.
24. I consider my pre-Thomas poor choices in men to be a direct result of my love for the Breakfast Club and Dirty Dancing.
23. I harbor ridiculous regrets from childhood concerning unfinished French projects and fake 4 leaf clovers.
22. I am most comfortable in the company of boys.
21. Gas station attendants totally love me.
20. My favorite phrases are: Crap in a bowl, How exciting, Fucksie ducksie, Whatev, Whaaaaat? and Dude.
19. I did not learn to drive until I was 23 and consequently have no bump of direction.
18. I dress myself almost solely in black v-neck tee-shirts.
17. When I was little, I was afraid that if you cut through all 7 layers of your skin, well, sucks to be you, that's all you get.
16. I dress my pets in tutus and kiss them on the mouth.
15. I'm a Quaker.
14. I count when I pee.
13. I think it is appropriate to have only as many pets as you can remember names. I feel confident I could remember 100.
12. I can't eat enough pizza. Thomas orders 3 just for the two of us.
11. I have a very large head (in circumference, not ego!)
10. I am obsessed with the grammar of billboards.
9. I constantly mishear song lyrics and prefer my own.
8. I have to imitate any strange or electronic sounds that I hear.
7. When people are sad, I offer to dance a jig.
6. Whenever I hear the title of a movie sequel, I feel compelled to add "Electric Boogaloo."
5. I'm afraid of zombies.
4. I threw away all the attachments to my vacuum cleaner.
3.I hate Bob Dylan
2. I love freaky tv ad personalities, a la The Burger King (I dressed as him for Halloween last year) and locally, Pat and Ashley.
1. I eat Cool Whip for a snack.
48. I rule at Megatouch Erotic Photo Hunt, which I call Touch the Boobie.
47. I practiced for a long time so that I could give the finger like Eminem.
46. I like to watch myself in the mirror when I talk.
45. The only thing I've ever won was a 3 foot chocolate rabbit.
44. On our first date, Thomas took me to see a giant urinal.
43. I can't help but tell people what I just bought for them.
42. I swear alarmingly when building furniture.
41. I hide upsetting books under the bed.
40. Our toothpaste tastes like shrimp.
39. I'm required by law to wear a portion of my food on my chest.
38. I can hurt myself just by sitting in a chair (and often do!)
37. Apparently, when I made this list, I left off number 37.
36. I'm afraid of worms. Seriously.
35. I'm deafeningly loud when I get excited.
34. I've never had cable tv.
33. I love karaoke. Particularly Love Shack and Gloria.
32. I have the cutest feet ever, in my humble opinion.
31. I collect garden gnomes and fake mustaches. In fact, the favors at our wedding were cards of fake mustaches, resulting in my entire wedding album being pictures of drunk people in fake mustaches.
30. By 30, I'd hoped to own a barbie pink beetle.
29. My dogs know "Cheese" and "Night Night" instead of "Come" and "Lie Down."
28. I know a lot of people named Tom.
27. I cannot function without cherry chapstick.
26. I am tragically unhip and cannot wear my own glasses for feeling like a poseur.
25. I once went on a blind date with a guy who had two hearing aides and an unholy obsession with Willy Wonka.
24. I consider my pre-Thomas poor choices in men to be a direct result of my love for the Breakfast Club and Dirty Dancing.
23. I harbor ridiculous regrets from childhood concerning unfinished French projects and fake 4 leaf clovers.
22. I am most comfortable in the company of boys.
21. Gas station attendants totally love me.
20. My favorite phrases are: Crap in a bowl, How exciting, Fucksie ducksie, Whatev, Whaaaaat? and Dude.
19. I did not learn to drive until I was 23 and consequently have no bump of direction.
18. I dress myself almost solely in black v-neck tee-shirts.
17. When I was little, I was afraid that if you cut through all 7 layers of your skin, well, sucks to be you, that's all you get.
16. I dress my pets in tutus and kiss them on the mouth.
15. I'm a Quaker.
14. I count when I pee.
13. I think it is appropriate to have only as many pets as you can remember names. I feel confident I could remember 100.
12. I can't eat enough pizza. Thomas orders 3 just for the two of us.
11. I have a very large head (in circumference, not ego!)
10. I am obsessed with the grammar of billboards.
9. I constantly mishear song lyrics and prefer my own.
8. I have to imitate any strange or electronic sounds that I hear.
7. When people are sad, I offer to dance a jig.
6. Whenever I hear the title of a movie sequel, I feel compelled to add "Electric Boogaloo."
5. I'm afraid of zombies.
4. I threw away all the attachments to my vacuum cleaner.
3.I hate Bob Dylan
2. I love freaky tv ad personalities, a la The Burger King (I dressed as him for Halloween last year) and locally, Pat and Ashley.
1. I eat Cool Whip for a snack.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
A Weird Girl Arrives Back at Home
First off, let me say how good it is to be back. Thomas and I arrived back in lovely Wilmington at 2:30 and were greeted by the shrieks and whimpers of the two greatest and most sorely missed dogs in the United States.
Secondly, sorry my blog has sucked for the last few days. It was hard, posting from home.
Thirdly, where the hell is everyone? I know it's been Thanksgiving and most of us were travelling, but STILL.
Fourthly (In the fourth place?), I have a fine blog planned about my grandmother's artwork and the longest-running, most-annoying discussion ever, but that will have to wait until tomorrow because:
I'VE BEEN TAGGED!
Kim has tagged me to reveal six weirdnesses about myself. Unfortunately, I covered many of the most weird in this post, but I'm a tough girl, so I'll do my best.
1. On our first date, Thomas took me to see a giant urinal. It resides downtown in Longstreet's Pub and it really is giant. I could fit my whole self into it. We visit it from time to time, just to reminisce.
2. Other than the recently discussed costume contest, the only thing I've ever won was a 3 foot, solid, chocolate rabbit. (I'm actually planning a whole post on this later). Suffice it to say, my friend, Dorothy, ate the whole head and had to go to the hospital.
3. I like to look in the mirror when I talk on the phone to see what I look like when I make my standard facial expressions. I'm actually mesmerized by this and cannot sit by mirrors in restaurants because I will just stare and stare at myself to see what I look like when I'm eating.
4. I practiced for a long time to be able to give the finger like Eminem--you know, with all the fingers bent at the knuckle and the middle one up. I think it looks cooler like that. I trained both hands to do it. During that time, my friend Bryan once remarked to my friend Craig, "Have you noticed that Megsie's been giving the finger a lot?" How embarrassing.
5. I am the MASTER at the Megatouch game Erotic Photo Hunt, which I like to call "Touch the Boobie." There was a time when I had the number one score at every machine I encountered in three states.
6. I don't eat purple food. Eggplants and grapes are ok, but anything that is "Grape flavored" is the elixir of the devil to me. I carefully separate out all my purple candies, popsicles, etc. Things that will stain my teeth purple are also in this catagory. I pretend to be allergic to red wine, but really, I just hate having a purple mouth. There. The truth is out.
Secondly, sorry my blog has sucked for the last few days. It was hard, posting from home.
Thirdly, where the hell is everyone? I know it's been Thanksgiving and most of us were travelling, but STILL.
Fourthly (In the fourth place?), I have a fine blog planned about my grandmother's artwork and the longest-running, most-annoying discussion ever, but that will have to wait until tomorrow because:
I'VE BEEN TAGGED!
Kim has tagged me to reveal six weirdnesses about myself. Unfortunately, I covered many of the most weird in this post, but I'm a tough girl, so I'll do my best.
1. On our first date, Thomas took me to see a giant urinal. It resides downtown in Longstreet's Pub and it really is giant. I could fit my whole self into it. We visit it from time to time, just to reminisce.
2. Other than the recently discussed costume contest, the only thing I've ever won was a 3 foot, solid, chocolate rabbit. (I'm actually planning a whole post on this later). Suffice it to say, my friend, Dorothy, ate the whole head and had to go to the hospital.
3. I like to look in the mirror when I talk on the phone to see what I look like when I make my standard facial expressions. I'm actually mesmerized by this and cannot sit by mirrors in restaurants because I will just stare and stare at myself to see what I look like when I'm eating.
4. I practiced for a long time to be able to give the finger like Eminem--you know, with all the fingers bent at the knuckle and the middle one up. I think it looks cooler like that. I trained both hands to do it. During that time, my friend Bryan once remarked to my friend Craig, "Have you noticed that Megsie's been giving the finger a lot?" How embarrassing.
5. I am the MASTER at the Megatouch game Erotic Photo Hunt, which I like to call "Touch the Boobie." There was a time when I had the number one score at every machine I encountered in three states.
6. I don't eat purple food. Eggplants and grapes are ok, but anything that is "Grape flavored" is the elixir of the devil to me. I carefully separate out all my purple candies, popsicles, etc. Things that will stain my teeth purple are also in this catagory. I pretend to be allergic to red wine, but really, I just hate having a purple mouth. There. The truth is out.
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