Thursday, March 08, 2007

Good, Bad, Ugly

The Good:

A week ago, my really nice dad sent me flowers to help me out of my horrible depression. My dad rules. Sadly, I was very, very allergic to the flowers and had to put them out on the back porch. They had a big helium balloon attached to them, and the other day I went outside and the balloon was gone. I asked Thomas about it, and he said he had set it free. It made me remember those balloon launches from elementary school and how one day, as I walked home from the bus stop, I actually found someone's balloon. Someone from St. Louis. And so, for like a minute, I had a penpal. It was pretty cool. I don't know anyone else who ever found one.

The Bad:

The allergies seem to be settling in. I would think it was too soon, but then I look back at last year's blog...and no, it's not too soon.

The Ugly:

Ok, I've debated whether or not to post about this, but since Alexa was cool enough to post about it, I'll try. As pretty much all of you know, I've struggled with my weight for a long time. I found out several years ago that I was developing diabetes, and I have a great low-blood-sugar diet that works wonderfully and I started exercising and now I walk 4 miles a day, with my friends Kimberley and Kathy and with my sister . I consider myself a very healthy person. Which is not to say that we don't all also know about my pizza weakness, etc. Well, anyway, last year I lost 35-40 pounds. And I was feeling really good, and I noticed that weird obsessive behaviors that I've always had, like immediately sizing up everyone in the room to decide if I'm the fattest person there had stopped. I didn't get on the scale once during the horrorshow of February. I just felt like, well, I'm not skinny but I'm not horribly overweight any more and I feel good so I just don't care.

But lately I've been feeling like I've been cutting too many corners--I ate bread while I was sick a couple of weekends ago, and things like that. I've been having "bites" of things. And I can feel a difference. So this morning I stepped on the scale to check out the damage.

I've put on 20 pounds.

20! I'm not exaggerating. I've almost totally undone last year in the space of a month. And what's worse is that I just saw my mother. (Every time I think of this the inner hysterics start and I totally fly off the handle).

So, I keep giving myself these stern lectures. NO MORE WINE, I tell myself. EAT MORE REASONABLE PORTIONS. But I'm freaked nonetheless that I could do so much damage without even thinking about it. I kind of just want to hide under the bed.

5 comments:

Lauren said...

Sweeeetie! So sad? I don't like to see you so sad! Sending lots of hugs and nonallergenic cheer your way.

ashley said...

Spring is just around the corner, Meg. And it will beautiful and you will want to get out in the fresh air and you'll feel better. In the meantime, stay out from under the bed. You're lovely.

Gina said...

Twenty pounds in a month is an awful lot, that just doesn't seem quite right. You might want to think about getting your metabolism checked for what I have, which is a simple blood test for TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone). In fact, diabetes and hypothyroidism are related in that they both are in the endocrine system.

penelope said...

You ARE lovely. Deep breaths... just ease back into desired behavior as you can, and desired results you will have.

Also, I find sometimes that moving the scale a couple feet the right or left sometimes changes my weight by 2 or 3 lbs. Like the gravity is somehow kinder there? I always take the lowest score as truth. On the other hand, am also considering chucking scale altogether...

Andrea Q. said...

1. The moving the scale thing is TOTALLY true.

2. So is the thing about water weight.

3. And muscle weighing more than fat.

And a host of other reasons that probably contribute to that thing you're freaking out about. But dude -- you are an awesome, amazing, beautiful person!!! Don't let the bastard scale let you lose sight of that. Fuck the scale. It's a fickle mofo and should never have been given the power to alter moods and ruin days.

YOU ARE AWESOME!!!! Now come back out from under the bed and give me a call. Or, I'll call you. This, too, shall pass.

Much much love...