Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Secret Blog

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to blog when there is actually stuff going on in your life?

I mean, I find it easier to come home from work on a standard Tuesday, in which nothing out of the ordinary happened, and blog about how I'm not totally sure that I LOVE my new flip flops and isn't Thai food just the best? than I do when I have real things to talk about. Then, I'm either too busy, or constrained by the idea that 10,000 people are reading this.

I was reading a friend of mine's blog the other day and while I don't know if "introspective" is the word I would use to describe it, it is certainly more raw than what I have going on here. Which is fine. Because every blog has its own M.O. and that's as it should be. But do you ever wish you had a secret blog in which you could write all your horrible true thoughts? Or is that just what post secret is for?

I've never been sorry that my authorship is transparent. Although I admire the blogs that feature a list of pseudonyms for reoccurring characters, I could never keep track of one myself. And I feel I've been fair, for the most part, to my family and friends in being careful to never tell anyone's stories but my own, even if I do use their real names.

But just once, it would be nice to write coherently about what is actually going on with me. I find it odd to go back through a years worth of posting and think, well, that was about the time that ___________ happened, and find no evidence of it here.

Lately, I've been wondering if this is the resurgence of my actually wanting to write again, but then I have dreams in which someone is dying because of something I wrote--literally, I dreamed that a man was plucked off the street and crushed by a backhoe-type machine and it was all because of something I was writing a la Stranger than Fiction, or something. Or maybe I just have an overinflated sense of importance.


ashley said...

I agree with you totally. There are times that I think of the blog as my forum for expression without thinking about its availability to the world at large. But then when I sit down to write, I think about that, and the result is either a post so cryptic, people email me to ask its meaning or a post about Paris Hilton that disguises I ever had more real thoughts.

Gina said...

I use fake names because my family should not have to be exposed to the whole world if they don't want to be. Especially my son. It is MY blog, so they kind of have no say, so the least I feel I can do is respect their privacy. That is also why I usually don't post any pictures either.

But, each person has to be at the level of privacy they are most comfortable with.

penelope said...

I've always wanted to start an underground blog where I could be perfectly nasty and say what's REALLY happening and just who is the culprit, though I would probably continue to use pseudonyms, however thinly veiled. I so fear repercussions. And I've proposed the idea of an underground blog now and again, but it just wouldn't work--how would you get the word out? You'd link it to your nicer, more presentable blog, and people would figure it out eventually, and then you'd really be in trouble. I suppose I'll have to always be at least a little cryptic and very editorial when blogging.

velocibadgergirl said...

There have definitely been times when I've wished I could talk about stuff.

I have to say, though, making up fake names for my friends has been REALLY fun :D

I hope everything's okay with you. **HUGS**

Amanda said...

hey -- that's a very difficult question, one i've struggled with for years, and even when i think i've solved it, it comes back and bothers me in new ways. when i started blogging i was a teenager and thought that i had successfully kept my blog secret from my parents. my writing style changed when i found out that i was not, in fact, that sly, and it changed again when i started using a livejournal for certain friends-only content. i'm still torn sometimes when i want to write about things that i want to keep private from the real-life friends and family who read my blog, but still want to be more public than just my lj friendslist. it's very tricky and frustrating, and i hope you find a way to balance the two. i do recommend livejournal as a forum for writing things that need to be locked from the general public. of course the effectiveness of that method depends largely on having some group of people with lj accounts that you'd want to share these things with. good luck working it out. you are awesome! (just in case you'd forgotten.)

Andrea Q. said...

I'm thinking of passwording my blog for that very reason. I mean, I'm cool with everyone reading EXCEPT 1. stalker ex-boyfriends (of which I have two who read), and 2. current or former employers. And because of those two groups, I hold myself back all the time. Fucking annoying. So I hear you, sister. Amen to all that.