Sunday, April 08, 2007

How to Build a Glowing Space Pod in Your Backyard

Or, you know, how to protect your plants from freezing.

First, dig your Christmas lights out of storage after discovering that all your strings of white outdoor lights will not light. Spend 10 minutes swearing and untangling the lights that you so carefully wound up in January. Lay around the bases of all new growth, bulbs and newly planted seedlings.

Next, send your saintly husband to the liquor store for all the boxes his van will hold. Put the boxes over the plants to hold in warmth from the ground. This will have the added effect of protecting them from crushing when you...

Thirdly, cover up the whole kit and caboodle with sheets. This will add an insular layer and protect anything not covered by boxes.

Then, cover up everything with sheets of plastic. You have to put this on top of the blankets, because frozen plastic will burn any leaves it touches.

Lastly, pray.

Remember that you need to rip all this off as soon as the temperature becomes tenable in the morning so as not to cook all of your plants in this nice oven you have wrought. Rejoice upon finding everyone alive. Then discover that there's another freeze warning in effect. Swear profusely and return to step one.


velocibadgergirl said...

That's a lovely space pod, and I am duly impressed by your devotion to your garden.

Good luck, little sprouts! Hang in there!

penelope said...

Poor plants, damn freezing cold! But you're such a good plant mommy!

mendacious said...

tis a perilous thing to be so concerned in the midst of spring. but lo you are a most excellent protectress.

hat said...

Have there been any sightings since the creation of the backyard space pod?