Monday, November 05, 2007

Odds and Ends

I've been more thrown off by the time-change than usual. This morning at 4:30, Thomas woke up and started prowling the house, convinced that he had heard someone screaming. Later he conceded that this may have been a dream. However, because 4:30 is my body's 5:30, and 5:30 is the hideous time at which I'd been forcing myself awake for the last two months, I was up and totally unable to go back to sleep. Now I am tired, but it's Heroes night, so I must stay awake.

I walked with my sister tonight and she was telling me about this soup she ate. It was carrot, cashew and ginger soup, which to me sounds dreadful, but that's not the point. The point is that until 4 years ago, my sister did not eat vegetables. Like, at all. In fact, she ate great quantities of ground beef and pasta. I told her tonight that I wished I had a time machine, so I could go back and tell her younger self that one day she would eat carrot/cashew/ginger soup. There's no way she would believe me.

If I had a time machine, I don't think that there's anything about my life that I would go back to change, but I do wish I could tell myself things that would be useful later. For instance, living off credit cards for a year? Probably not a very good idea. And I wish I could have given myself the heads up about the diabetes thing a lot earlier. Mostly, though, I think I would just want to reassure myself. It will be ok. You will survive. Things will get better.

After a huge round of celebratory drinking on Saturday night, I was feeling quite at odds with myself. As I have previously documented, I don't seem to get hung over anymore (perhaps a good thing about getting older) I just get bone-tired and out of sorts. I always feel a kind of deep and horrible despair. I'm always convinced that I'm just the worst person and everyone hates me. I wandered the house all day not knowing quite what to do with myself. So finally, I just started writing. And damn, if I didn't feel better right away.

Novel 2, here I come.

6 comments:

j. shelton said...

i think i'm retarded. i thought it said 'thrown off the chain' as in 'that shit was OFF THE CHAIN!' until i read it again.

whew.

you're one to watch.

steph said...

it's weird, the drinking thing. as i get older, it tends to make me feel either totally FUN and FABULOUS, or horribly depressed.

unfotunately, i do still get hung over. how do you not anymore? and it takes wayyy less for me to drink and feel crappy than when i was younger.

Gina said...

I can't really drink more than one drink, so no hangovers for me!

And, writing always makes me feel better, no matter what!

good lauren said...

oh my god, you're right, I CAN comment!
good walk.

Megs said...

Good Lauren!!! Yay!!

Kim said...

I think if I had a time machine, I would use it to travel back to Wilmington and spend more time with you.

That sounds sort of suck-uppy. But it's true! Also, I probably would have warned myself not to take early English literature. But otherwise, I'd probably do it pretty much the same.