Friday, April 21, 2006

My New Career

One day, I was explaining to my friend Bryan that I feel compelled to imitate any strange noise or voice that I hear on TV or the radio. It doesn't matter if it's human or electronic, if there's a sudden loud noise, a computer voice saying something, or an animal sound, I'm all over it. Bryan looked at me and said, "Megs, some people call that Tourettes Syndrome." So true, Bryan, so true.

One of my favorite things to imitate is the automatic checkout machine at Harris Teeter. I am a dead ringer for that lady. I can say, "Please place the item in the bag," or, "Do you have any items under your cart?" with the exact same mixture of pleasantness and rebuke. But my tour de force is, "Thank you for shopping at Harris Teeter." I don't know; you've gotta hear me do it. I think there's a career for me in electronic voices. I could do that VIC lady's job, no problem. The telephone banking woman ("please press 3 for more options"), Voicemail...hell, I can even do the AOL, "Welcome. You've got mail." I mean, the world's wide open for me.

One thing I'm particularly enjoying lately is the commercial where the guy is using the automatic check out and it gets stuck on wart remover. I've spent many a happy few minutes saying, "Wart Remover, wart remover, wart, wart, wart." I heard a DJ on the radio imitating that same commercial last night. But she had nothing on me.

3 comments:

Space Kase said...

I would hire you. My co-workers think I'm insane. I'm wiping away tears of laughter.

T. said...

Once at the Harris Teeter U-Scan, I tried to qualify for a senior discount. The clerk was not pleased.

penelope said...

Have you seen that Saturday Night Live skit with Rachel Dratch as the telephone voice lady on a date? It kills me every time.

"I think you said
vodka
on the rocks.
Izzz that correct?"

And I miss shopping at Harris Teeter. The Lowe's self-checkout lady is not as cool.