Monday, April 17, 2006

Zombie Attacks!

My friend Bernie says, "Zombies are cool."

Of all movie-style monsters, I'm most afraid of zombies. Partly it's their whole cannibalism lifestyle, partly it's how quickly they make more zombies, partly their relentless stupidity...I don't know; they just creep me out.

Anyway if you haven't seen the new Dawn of the Dead, or Sean of the Dead for that matter, you should. Both are excellent additions to the zombie genre. I loved them. But several weeks after seeing Dawn of the Dead, Thomas and I were asleep in bed when our dogs, Gonzo and Gertie, started barking like crazy. They do this sometimes. They are dogs. We waited for them to be quiet, but they went on. Finally, Thomas decided to go see what was wrong. I waited. And waited. Still Thomas was not back. I was beginning to worry and so I called out, "What it is it?" and Thomas said, "It's running."

This was befuddling to me, so I, too, got up and went to the front door to investigate. It was running. Hundreds of people, it seemed, were running down the street, screaming. Take a minute to think about how long this must have taken to happen. The dogs bark long enough to wake us, then long enough to force one of us to the door, then long enough for the other to get worried and go to the door--and still, all this running. All I could think was, "It's ZOMBIES!"

I didn't think the running people were zombies, but I definitely thought they must be running from zombies. My sleep addled mind could come up with no reason that practically the entire city of Wilmington would be running down the street, screaming, at 3 in the morning unless they were running from zombies.

Yeah. A party had gotten busted up over in Town Hall on Castle Street. But still!

Last night at Pub Trivia at the Soapbox, my team was sitting under a red light. For some reason, it made our veins all look very apparent, as if we were human road maps. I yelled out, "Look! I'm a zombie!" Because, apparently, that's my explanation for everything.


Space Kase said...

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Of COURSE it was zombies. Thank you for talking to me. Keep doing it.


bcstar80 said...

I'll tell you one thing, there are no zombies on the FORCE CHOKE team each and every trivia night.

Them winners are flesh and blood.

But I don't know them. I'm just saying.

Why are zombies afraid of fire in any film (especially used by the bikers in DOTD '78 and even in SOTD)? If they have no true concept of pain, why would fire matter? Is that fear-of-fire synapse in the zombie brain still intact?

Have you seen Fulci's 'Zombi'? It features zombie vs. shark. Also, if you're into self-punishment, procure a copy of 'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things.' You'll totally regret it, but that's part of the fun, I guess.

Slater said...

Ok, I know this was a year ago, but oh my god, I almost just peed my pants. The mental picture I have is perfection.